Why supporting parents supports families (Parent Mental Health Day)

Parent Mental Health Day (PMHD), marked on 30 January, offers an opportunity to reflect on the role parental wellbeing plays within families. Mental health difficulties and addiction rarely affect only one person. Whether a parent is struggling themselves or watching a child experience distress, the impact is often felt across the entire family.

Parents who are in the grip of an addiction or experiencing mental health challenges frequently carry significant guilt or fear about how their difficulties have affected their children. PMHD creates space to recognise the need for support and to take steps towards seeking help or treatment.

No matter the age of a child, (parenting does not stop when children reach adulthood), for any parent supporting a child through difficulties with mental health conditions such as anxiety, bipolar disorder, depression, PTSD, or addiction, it can be deeply distressing, confusing and emotionally exhausting. 

This is an ideal time to recognise that asking for help is courageous and compassionate, not a sign of weakness, but an act of care for the whole family.

Understanding the family as a system

Families function as interconnected systems. Changes in one person’s emotional state or behaviour will inevitably affect others. When a parent or child is struggling with mental health difficulties or addiction, family roles often shift in ways that are intended to maintain stability, but which can become unhelpful over time.

Parents may become overprotective or emotionally withdrawn. Children or siblings may step into caregiving roles, suppress their own needs, develop heightened vigilance in response to unpredictability, or distance themselves emotionally or physically from the family in an attempt to protect themselves. These adaptations are rarely conscious choices. They are understandable responses to ongoing stress, and they can have a lasting impact on future relationships and behaviours.

Viewing mental health and addiction through a family systems lens helps remove blame. It allows families to understand patterns and recognise shared strain. This can then lead to an understanding that recovery generally involves change and support for more than one person.

When a parent is struggling

Parental mental health difficulties can affect families in complex ways. Depression, anxiety, trauma, or addiction may reduce emotional availability, disrupt routines, increase conflict within the home, or lead to inconsistency in boundaries and expectations. Children are often acutely aware when something is wrong, even if it is not openly discussed.

Younger children may respond through behavioural changes or emotional distress. Older teenagers and young adults may become withdrawn, angry, or overly responsible. Some may attempt to minimise the problem, while others may act out their concern through risk-taking behaviours.

Importantly, these effects do not mean a parent has failed. Mental health conditions and addiction are not moral shortcomings. They are health issues that deserve care and treatment. Seeking help can reduce long term harm and offer children a powerful model of accountability, resilience, and self-compassion.

When a child is struggling

For many parents, watching a child struggle with mental health difficulties or addiction can be one of the most painful experiences they face; and when the children are legally adults it can make it harder for parents to intervene directly, even when concern is high.

Parents may notice changes such as withdrawal, moodiness, substance misuse, disrupted sleep, or disengagement from school or responsibilities. Attempts to help can, at times, be met with resistance, denial, or anger, leaving parents feeling helpless and unsure where to turn.

This situation can place enormous strain on the wider family. Siblings may feel neglected, anxious, or resentful as attention is focused on the child in crisis. Parents may disagree about how best to respond, increasing tension within relationships. Feelings of fear, guilt, and grief are common, particularly when parents reflect on whether they could have done something differently.

It is important to recognise that mental health difficulties and addiction in young adulthood are influenced by many factors, including genetics, environment, trauma, and developmental transitions. Parents are not responsible for causing these difficulties, but they can play an important role in supporting recovery.

The impact on siblings and the wider family

When one family member is struggling, siblings are often deeply affected, even if they appear outwardly resilient. They may feel overlooked, take on additional responsibilities, or suppress their own emotional needs to avoid adding to the burden.

In families affected by addiction, siblings may experience confusion, inconsistency or broken trust. In families affected by mental illness, they may worry about stability or feel unsure how to express their own distress.

Acknowledging the impact on siblings is essential. Recovery is not only about stabilising the individual in crisis, but also about restoring balance, safety and communication within the family system.

Breaking generational patterns

One of the most powerful aspects of addressing mental health difficulties or addiction is the potential to interrupt generational patterns. Children learn how to cope with stress, regulate emotions, and seek support by observing those around them.

When difficulties remain unaddressed, patterns of avoidance, emotional suppression and regulation, or maladaptive coping, or difficulties with trust can be passed on, often unintentionally. Choosing to seek help, whether as a parent or for a child, sends a different message. It demonstrates that struggle can be met with honesty, support, compassion, and professional care.

For parents entering treatment, this decision can become a turning point, not only for their own recovery but for the emotional health of their children. For parents supporting an older child into treatment, advocating for help can help shift long-standing dynamics and create space for healthier patterns to develop.

Helping a family member into treatment

Supporting a loved one in treatment can feel daunting, particularly when they are ambivalent or resistant. Whilst every situation is different, there are some guiding principles that can help.

Approaching conversations with calm and concern, rather than confrontation, is often more effective. Expressing specific observations and how they have affected you can open dialogue without triggering defensiveness. It is important to avoid ultimatums unless safety is at risk, and to recognise that readiness for change varies.

Encouraging professional assessment can be a helpful first step. This may involve speaking with a GP, therapist, or specialist treatment provider. Parents should also seek support for themselves during this process. Navigating another person’s mental health or addiction can be emotionally draining, and support helps prevent burnout and isolation.

Ultimately, while parents can encourage and facilitate access to treatment, they cannot force recovery. Letting go of responsibility for outcomes, whilst remaining available and supportive, can be one of the hardest but most important aspects of the journey.

Recovery as a family process

Recovery does not occur in isolation. Whether the person entering treatment is a parent or a child, the process often involves shifts in family roles, boundaries, and expectations.

Families may need support to adapt to these changes. This can include learning new communication skills, setting healthier boundaries, allowing space for independence, and accountability. Family or systemic therapy can be valuable in helping families navigate these transitions safely and constructively.

Recovery is not about returning to how things were before. It is about building something more stable and sustainable for everyone involved.

How Ibiza Calm can help

At Ibiza Calm, we recognise that mental health difficulties and addiction affect individuals and families alike. Our luxury residential rehab centre in Ibiza offers a calm, supportive environment for those seeking treatment for a wide range of mental health and addiction-related concerns.

We work with individuals experiencing alcoholism, drug and process addictions, and substance misuse, as well as mental health conditions such as trauma, anxiety, depression, burnout and codependency. Our integrative approach combines evidence-based therapies, including counselling and talking therapies, equine-facilitated therapy, and transcranial magnetic stimulation.

We understand the importance of family involvement in recovery. As part of our work, we support clients in exploring family patterns, boundaries and support systems in a safe and therapeutic way. Where appropriate, we can also help families prepare for and facilitate structured interventions, offering guidance that is compassionate, informed, and focused on long term wellbeing.

For every client entering treatment at Ibiza Calm, family members are invited to join a free weekly online family support group, facilitated by one of our qualified therapists. This group is available from the moment a loved one enters treatment and provides a space for support, recognising that recovery is a shared process.

For parents seeking help for themselves, or for those supporting a child or family member into treatment, our admissions team can offer guidance, assessment and compassionate support throughout the admissions process.

Recognising when help may be needed

Parent Mental Health Day is not about perfection. It is about recognising that parenting, at any stage, involves emotional labour, vulnerability, and ongoing adaptation. Mental health difficulties and addiction do not define a parent or a family, but addressing them openly and with support can change the course of many lives.

Seeking help is not a sign of failure. It is an investment in health, stability, and future generations. For further information about treatment or admissions at Ibiza Calm, please contact sharon@ibizacalm.com.